Yep, I said it. And I don't care who hears me either. I'll even say it again. I'm Pissed. And yeah, I know, I know- everyone else is too. Our lives as we've known them have been turned upside down, frozen to a halt, paused and completely cancelled- until much, much, much further notice.
The virus, the pandemic, the COVID-19 thingy is no fucking joke, so yes- I know all this is for a damn good reason, but I CAN still be pissed about it. Right?
I've had a good couple weeks of seeing the bright side, of enjoying family time, of slowing down and just being thankful to be alive, safe and healthy. I've meditated on positivity, laughed so hard my face hurt, and kissed my husband and babies over and over and over. I've talked to my eighty some year old mother, who suffers from Asthma, every day and been liking all my fun friends creative posts on Instagram. I've begun baking bread, stopped drinking, and been getting as much fresh air walks, bike rides, and gardening time that a week of rain would permit in the usual sunny Santa Barbara county.
But for today, I'm pissed. And I can't seem to pull myself out of my pissy-ness, so I just am gonna go with it and stop feeling angry at myself for feeling, well, angry.
You see, I've been working on my third book, This Rock 'N' Roll Dream for over a year. Writing it for six months, plus months of edits, revisions, more edits- you get the gist. And before that, of course I had written the other two books, years ago too- leading up to the finale in this trilogy. So, after all this time of creation, I was set to release it on April 7th. Not coincidentally my band, Wall of Tom, had planned to release a new song, to co-inside with the book release, and we planned and (thankfully) shot a stunning music video three weeks ago- that had taken at least two months to plan. I had come up with a great publicity push with my publicist, to play shows along with my book release- songs from the books, as well as release the new music video. It was to be an explosion of Art, from this little girls rock 'n' roll heart. And then, two and a half weeks ago, it all got cancelled. All the shows, all the book signings, all the release parties ...
Except, it isn't cancelled. My book will still come out. My music will come out too. But is anyone listening? Or is the whole world watching some infection series and wallowing in social distance? Most likely. Because every bit of press, is not covering artists struggling to make a living by releasing their art, but they are printing every bit of fear that they can, so we are informed properly of what will happen to us, if we ever leave our homes.
Wow. I actually feel better. Just the act of writing down how pissed I am, made me feel- less pissed. Ahhh-ha! It's word therapy! Maybe that's all I really needed? The act of writing again? Have I been angry because I was not creating? Ignoring my inner artist child who I know, has a big insecurity complex? Damn it. I guess so.
So I'm here I am at home, and I'm writing again. A blog of all things. Yeah, I've done it before, but for some reason I just stopped doing it. But now I'm back. Follow me if you want, chime in and send me a message if you like it. Tell me why you're pissed too. I will be here, trying to stay sane and happy for my little children- who for the life of me seem to be having the best time of their lives playing in a box together outside, at this very moment. It's it's the little things I guess, one word at a time ...